I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my sisters under your porch take her home
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
