a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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