Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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