when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
