yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
