grandma shit on top of the toilet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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