This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize