My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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