he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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