covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize