The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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