if i can run in heels then i can drive
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
