Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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