the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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