dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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