(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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