don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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