Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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