I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
