What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
