Jerry, you need to find god
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
