i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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