Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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