All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
