Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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