if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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