he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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