Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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