The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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