Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
