420 ftw
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
