Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
