Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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