around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My liver just had a heart attack.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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