and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
