Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
