Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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