My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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