no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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