I am spending my child support on dildos
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
