I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
