This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
