Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
