careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
