I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
