i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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