so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
