I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
