there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
