So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Panties = found
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