even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
