im six kinds of drunk right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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