I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
