trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
