Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
