that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
