I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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