if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
