i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
