I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
