Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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