We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
