So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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