i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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