i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
