Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
