i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
